Come December, it’s all about Jolly Old Saint Nick – but in the days of online shopping, our family has a new Nick in town… our mailman. His name is Nick. Or Kris. I’m not actually sure what his name is. Anyway, nothing lights up Junior’s eyes like the arrival of a giant box of diapers on a random Tuesday afternoon.
It’s hard to say what our mailman gets in return for all his hard work. I would like to think the thought of making children everywhere smile is good enough for him. So while we reluctantly turn our attention to Santa for the next four weeks, let me tell you why our mailman is the real hero around here:
The Mailman is year-round:
While Santa is effing off in the Caribbean from January to November, the mailman is hard at work in rain, snow, sleet, or hail bringing printer toner, paper towels, and the occasional toy at two day’s notice.
Whenever Junior sees a toy he wants, we can always tell him, “Maybe the mailman will bring it to you.” Which usually buys us the 5 minutes we need for him to completely forget about it.
There is no complicated backstory:
There are no flying reindeer. No elves. Just a man, his truck, and a manageable delivery territory. Sure, no one knows for sure where the mail comes from. Rumor has it, there’s a workshop in the Amazon. Which frankly, is far more believable than the North Pole.
He is low maintenance:
Santa has a showy red coat, a pimped out sleigh, movies, songs. He asks for milk and cookies from every single house he goes to. One could argue he sold out years ago when he began putting his face on toilet paper. He requests the red carpet for his annual arrival. Really seems like a Diva to me.
All the mailman asks is that I don’t park directly in front of the mailbox.
He isn’t scary:
I bet you’ve never seen a picture of a kid crying on the mailman’s lap. And he probably isn’t wandering around your house while you sleep, either. Cause let’s be honest, that’s weird.
So no offense Santa, you’re cool and all, but we know who the real hero around here is. It’s Nick, the mailman. Or was it Kris? We’ll just call him Nick.